The last couple of months my diary has been full of appointments with corporate clients and that area of business looks to be expanding more and more as the word is spreading about Conversational Decoding.

Every employer, employee, manager, CEO, mother or father have one thing in common, they all say that their people have the wrong attitude! So, what in the world is an ‘attitude’ and how on earth can you know if you have the right one to find yourself promoted up the career ladder, or to further enhance your relationships?

The above text is an extract from an article written by Matt Hudson for the MITA June ’09 Newsletter. Download this months newsletter below and subscribe to receive news, tips and techniques every month for free.

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How can it be February already? It seems only yesterday I was fighting off complaints from my postman about how large the sack full of Valentine cards was, that he had to carry to my door! I wish! …Dream on Hudson.

So this month that spring is reported to be in the air and as you are wondering about, you are probably noticing some couples who are made for each other. What about the couples who you can’t imagine together even under medication? You know the odd couple? So here is a question for this month is Love blind…?

I have had an influx of body mismorphia, people who look in the mirror and think they are ugly, hideous, and basically don’t like what they see. So maybe when we see these different shaped people and wonder how on earth are they together, could it be that one of them is mismorphic? Huge issues around self esteem, massive control freak, can’t take a compliment, wouldn’t be seen dead without make up, self conscious, and all the while their friends say “you look amazing, gorgeous, beautiful, sound confident, etc, Does this ring any bells with you?

So with all of this going on inside your mind about yourself how on earth can we ever find time to love another? Robert Frost said “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired” Now how does that make you feel ? Cor! You mouth watering human being you are irresistible!!! Now, if you can hold onto that thought for a moment and look yourself in the eye in front of a large mirror, you should be able to see that beautiful creation, smiling back at you, now say I”I love you” if you can say that and feel good about you then well done, if not… who you gonna call…? There is a proverb which says “Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.” So now are we saying that love transcends the physical form, hmmm! So that would help us to understand a little more about why, as Joe Jackson put it “pretty woman are out walking with gorillas down my street” So it really is more about what you experience whilst in the company of your lover that makes them your lover. So , that love can only change if you change how you feel about your partner, it’s not down to your partner to make you feel in love with them. Yes it’s that word “Responsibility” and it lies with you, always. You can draw some solace with the words of Rabbi Julius Gordon who said “Love is not blind- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.” Now for you love birds out there please note love starts and ends with you. If you have had a bad experience in a past relationship you may need it reprogrammed so that you can fully experience your new partner other wise you may find yourself stuck!…

Happy Valentines

Why is that to know and not to do is really not to know at all? Do yourself a favour, why not commit to pen and paper or an email and tell me about how this time you are really going for it and I can give you a few helpful tips on how to succeed, do we have a deal? You could apply Cartesian Logic to yourself which basically says “what will I get if I do it? What will I get if I don’t do it? What wont I get if I do it? What wont I get if I don’t do it? You could always pay us a visit and let us help you, now there’s a thought!

Speaking of getting me in I would like to say a special thank you to the Educational Psychologist who suggested parents bring their son to work with me after 12 months of intervention had failed. Well my 12 year old client’s problem has vanished and according to all concerned the chap has transformed. So a really big thanks you to you all for trusting me, to help. This also means that I won’t be ranting about Ed.Psyche’s this year especially the ones in Northumberland (thank you for restoring my faith).

The recommendation went along the lines of “I am not allowed to recommend anyone but if he was my son I would take him to see Matt Hudson” I was truly pleased to help.

2008 for me is about putting more back into the universe so I am planning on getting back into a lot more schools and helping more children, so please if you are a teacher chase me up and let’s see how are team can help you and your children. I am also working on taking my “Laughter Workshop” on the road to fund raise for cancer Charities, I figure that this should stand me in good stead with whoever is running the universe, don’t you think? This last point is by no means intended to poke fun at Mr Brown, honest!

Another change this year is doing some 3 hour classes for self hypnosis and stress management and motivation so if you want to get committed before you get committed please get in touch and for a fraction of the cost you too can be well on your way to a greater and brighter future.

So I have kept it short and sweet this month as I am off to Vegas for a hypnotherapy convention and I can’t wait.

So to sum it all up Do it! Do it now and Do it for you!!!

NLP it’s about choice…

Yes it’s that time of year again, a time for giving, joy and goodwill to all. So what season is it for you? How are you feeling right now?

Do you have the same problems as 12 months ago? Is it traditional for you to begin to smile and be cheery but only for a couple of weeks, then are you destined to become miserable again?

This month I have been requested to work with a group of employees who needed, wait for it…”Team Building” what they actually meant was “Matt can you sort out one of the guys because he has the wrong attitude” Now I ask you if you know someone who has the wrong attitude?

Now is this person a little prickly, sharp tongued, self centered, grumpy? Do you want to know why? Simple. It Works!

They have always played the Grumpy card, if you could meet their nursery teacher she would shudder at the mention of their name! So don’t take it personally. It’s funny because as I write this I am thinking about Victor Meldrew our next door neighbour, if you ever come to visit you will know who I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. So don’t take it personally they learnt very early in life to through tantrums in order to get their own way and their mummy and daddy didn’t put them straight. So think about that the next time your personal Victor begins to rant, they do it because it works for them.
This employee has been with the company for 15 years and in all that time he has shown absolute dedication to all of the above, he leaves work a little earlier, starts a little later and is the first to grumble and undermine any management decisions. Yet they continue to employ him!!! So what can I do in 1 day to change this person for the benefit of the company? Nothing! That’s right nothing at all; this Victor chooses his attitude and then is allowed by everyone else to maintain it!

So my task within the team was not to make 1 person weaker but to make 30 other people become stronger, the very essence of NLP. Knowledge is power don’t you think? Now I am working with the managers to be fair to the other employees and have Victor toe the line, it is only fair after all 15 years of full pay for a minimal input can’t be bad. Can a company in today’s market really afford to employ people with the wrong attitude, I don’t think so. If you are in a job that you don’t like should you take it out on everyone else? When people begin to moan about how they “have to come to work” they have the wrong attitude, so we need to change attitudes or change jobs!

So are you relying on Santa to bring you what you want or is a change in attitude all you need!

Merry Christmas and a New Year full of attitude

Looking around, I found myself in what looked like a mansion, all the fixtures and fittings were rich and sumptuous, and the colours were really rich and vibrant. I could smell tobacco smoke, looking down, I realised it was me that was smoking; I was holding along stemmed, ivory, cigarette holder that felt smooth and warm in my fingers. Then, I saw my reflection in a mirror, the person I saw there looked nothing like me, Sonya, but I knew that it was me!! I was female with very short, dark hair, wearing a flapper dress and a sparkling band around my head. I was ready to go out on the town, sipping a glass of champagne, waiting for my date. He arrived; he was drop dead gorgeous with the greenest eyes you have ever seen and the golden locks of an angel. Despite his devastatingly good looks there was just something about him that I didn’t quite trust, something that left me feeling ill at ease.

We came into the house and switched on the lights, this was a real novelty, something I was not at all accustomed to as the house had just been wired with electricity and the old familiar gas lights were gone.

Next thing I know my blond haired angel is no longer with me although, I sense he is still in the house, I have extinguished my last drunken cigarette and I’m falling asleep in the chair. Suddenly, with a jolt, I was wide awake, my whole lower body was on fire, and the entire room was ablaze. In trance, I experienced horrific pain in my legs as I was engulfed in flame.
All at once, the pain was gone and I was out of my body watching the room burn, I knew for certain that the fire had been caused by the new electric switches. For some reason, I also sensed that my green eyed angel had something to do with this horrific blaze. Everything started to turn white and I was going somewhere else, as this happened, I experienced a total acceptance of everything that had occurred. It was right at this point that Matt pulled me out of trance!

NLP it’s all in your mind, so let’s explore it together…!

Enter (let’s call him Fred) now Fred has a very important position as a General Manager of a hotel, for an international group.

Every month the chef creates the new menu for the following month, are you with me so far? Guess who has to taste the food on the menu? “That’s right” said Fred, “me!” So what was the main ingredient that turned this man into a quivering wreck? Fish… any kind of fish or seafood whatsoever, would make Fred vomit.

Fred was unable to perform his normal duties owing to his almost phobic dislike of sea produce. This also affected customers and the bottom line or profits, of the business. Why? Because you couldn’t get what you wanted – fish, and the company couldn’t get your money, which helps the world go round.

The technique for curing this is fairly straight forward, unlike the one shown on the BBC program “The Panic Room” where, if you have seen it, they take volunteers and terrify the heck out of them and then proclaim them cured. To anyone watching you can see that they are still phobic, brilliant television but terrible for the individual taking part.

I prefer a much simpler and faster method which makes life a lot easier for my client too. It’s all down to how your mind codes your food, which is the same way your mind codes anything, you either like dislike or you are neutral about something. Fred disliked fish, so I asked him to tell me about something that he really loves to eat and by simply going back and forwards with these thoughts Fred was able to re -program his mind. You will have seen Darren Brown use this same technique a couple of weeks ago, when he convinced the lady that Yellow was red and then she couldn’t find her car. The mind is so easily programmed. Fred now has a taste for Tuna steak instead of beef and he is just loving all of the tastes and textures that he now has access to.
If you would like to learn these techniques you can, by simply enrolling on our Master Phobia Cure weekend in June or if you have a phobia or food dislike that you would sooner not have then get in touch with us, as we are always looking for volunteers for our courses. I am still doing one to one sessions, so free yourself from fear, be free to eat what you want, take action now…

THIS month I have been inundated with people who want to learn hypnosis. I have since found out that Paul McKenna has done a TV series on Sky One which has given rise to the interest.

The techniques he uses are exactly the same as the techniques I teach, although a few of my students have rung me to say it takes him ages to switch off a phobia. Well, in his defence, he has to fill in an hour on TV so he gives a big build-up to the presenting problem.

A phobia is only an experience we have learned way back and have continued to run the memory or programme of the experience. Our mind has generalised the experience so that it affects us in other areas of our life too.

For example, when you were a child, you had a bad experience with a certain person. Many years later, you go for an important job interview. Straight away, as you enter the room, your stomach sinks and you know it’s going to go badly. Why? W respell, because there is something in the interviewer’s tone of voice that makes you feel terrible.

Fact – you have never met the interviewer before, yet your body is telling you that you can’t get on with him. What is actually happening here is that your brain is running the original programme that made you feel bad when you were little. It has generalised it to all people with a certain tone, certain height, certain look, facial expression etc. In enters Pavlov’s dog – ding-a-ling!
So, our task as NLP practitioners and hypnotherapists like Paul McKenna, is to recognise the stimulus response and re-programme with a brand-new response pattern.

If you have a phobia, ie heights, spiders, snakes, outside, inside, driving through tunnels or on motorways etc, (a phobia means white knuckled response, by the way, not “oh, I’m not too sure …”), get in touch with me as I require some live bait for my next NLP Practitioner course and hypnotherapy training course in September and October.

Now the reason I like to talk about phobias is that they are just learned behaviours which can be re-programmed. This can be applied to any area of your life. Any learned behaviour which is limiting you can be turned off. The feelings that run inside your tummy are what drive your responses.

The basis of NLP is that everyone can run good feelings. In stress management, it’s not the environment that stresses people, it is people’s mental programmes installed way back by experience that causes tension.
I can’t create tension in you. You create it in the way you respond or react to me. If you respond you are using your whole brain and stress will not occur. If you react, you are accessing the primitive part of your brain (reptilian) and running an automatic programme without choice. This is exactly the same reaction that some people have to spiders or snakes etc.

Now Bernard sat before me with his specs on and told me that he needed them to see the “numbers on buses.” I suggested that buses actually come closer and as they do, the numbers get bigger.
“Clucking bell!” he said (or words to that effect). “I haven’t even travelled on a bus in twenty years.” After another couple of NLP techniques, Bernard is spectacle free.

No miracles at work, sorry, just challenging an old set of beliefs which did not need to be there. So how is it possible? Remember when we were kids and our parents needed the TV channel changing? I was that remote control device. Were you?

Then came the remote with a four foot cable that couldn’t reach your chair, eventually making room for the wireless remote control. How is it that when you lose the remote you would sooner spend an hour looking for it than walk to the telly and turn the channel over? When your eyes become strained you put on specs to allow them not to work as hard for a while, in no time at all the muscles become lazy, and down the slippery slope to believing you need glasses you go.

Originally Opticians would give you corrective spectacles and adjust the strength of the lenses over a few months until your eyes were strong again. After all, this is a muscle that we are talking about, is it not? Any good NLP practitioner or Hypnotherapist can help you to reprogram your eye sight without the need of a laser.

So before you spend thousands on Laser treatment, pay a visit to the professionals that can help you to adjust your focus on life, which can help you to see a lot of things more clearly.

Simply close your eyes and imagine that you are focusing on the Exclusive, see the large print and then the small print, now imagine the words two feet in front of you, then four , Six and Eight feet, each time checking the print and pretend that you can see it clearly.

You will feel your eye muscles actually moving, when you open your eyes leave your spectacles off until you need them, and get yourself a half prescription less than you normally would use – this encourages your eyes to start working effectively.

So what prevents you from truly seeing everything in your life…?

We have just begun our new NLP practitioner course and this causes me to think about how can everyone understand what NLP is exactly?

Neurology gives us the specific encoding so that we can become the organism that we are. This neurological map of the world allows us to sense things, see, hear, feel, smell, taste, (Now comes the part that people do not understand), these senses are “internal” representations. In order for us to make sense of the outside world our neurological map deletes, distorts and generalises information.

For example what do you see when you use your eyes? Electro magnetic radiation, light, hits your eyes; you can’t see it for what it is so you distort it via rods and cones. That gives you the sense of “colour”. Your two eyes give you the sense of “depth”. You have 100,000,000 light sensitive cones, but only 1,000,000 nerve impulses to your brain, so you reduce the information to a hundredth. Then it changes from electromagnetic radiation to cell activation, to a nerve impulse, to the exchange of neurotransmitters, eventually your brain receives it and we call it sight.

So what are you really seeing as you look out at your world? Your sight operates from your beliefs and values, associations, both negative and positive, your attitude toward what you are looking at, language used, your age, hence schooldays are the best days of your life, ask a pensioner! All of this is going on continually so does anyone really see the world then? If you want to see more of this wonderful world, then, you must give yourself permission to read, see, hear, talk and experience more to go beyond the boundaries that your mind has set for you.

So take a moment now and imagine a situation in your life where you know that you continue to feel bad about… take a few moments… notice what you see, hear, feel, and experience whilst you play this movie inside your mind. Now consider what you had for your dinner last Wednesday and now think about a time when you were really curious and mentally take notes on this movie, take all of the information you need from your point of view. Then, genuinely take all of the information from the other person’s side.
Now sit back as an onlooker and take notes as if you were the movie director watching actors on a movie set. Consider from this position how you can add new sound effects or lighting, basically whatever you need to turn this crummy movie into a win-win, educational, motivational and ore inspiring classic. Now collect all of your information and try in vain, to run the old movie. By moving your mind into different positions you allow your brain to experience new learning and that’s it, in a nutshell stop running bad movies and set yourself free!

Since everybody seems to be following Paul McKenna’s advice on Sky about getting slim, the man himself cannot answer the question that I have just posed. He admits that he screws up all his relationships.
So, does this mean that maintaining a good relationship is more difficult than getting from a size 36 to a size 10?

Answer – no. A few simple strategies can take even the most doomed relationship and allow it to blossom.

If your relationship is feeling a bit flat, have sex three times a day … and then come back to your partner and tell him how good it was.

Okay, seriously, what happens with relationships is that our mind uses a generalization, deletion and distortion programme.

What does this mean? It means that you first meet your partner and … wow … all the lights are on, you get slim, you’re pining for them, tail wagging, tongue hanging out. Get the picture?

What your mind does on the inside is paint a very bright picture of your partner, fully associated – which means you are looking through your own eyes at him.

Fireworks and sounds play in the background, or that peculiar music you get on those sort of films that nobody really watches.

Then, over a period of time, your mind generalises the picture and so the brightness goes off, distorts the picture so that it becomes a bit more mundane and then it begins to delete evidence of fun, evidence of passion, evidence of happiness together.

You become disassociated from the picture. This can affect sex and all forms of communication.

A lot of people think this is just what happens in relationships. But here’s the hot tip – what we are after is re-creating the original image inside your mind. Using specific NLP techniques, we can re-programme the original thoughts and feelings into your mind.

People who can’t commit to long-term relationships run this whole programme very quickly. They wake up three months later and they’re out of there.

The only point in a relationship that I am unable to help at is when there is apathy. If there’s horrible rows, I can work with it, because at least they care enough to argue. The passion is there, it is just not being channeled directly. But when apathy is there, it is time to call it a day.

If you’re bouncing in and out of relationships and wondering how, or if you’re are looking like you could be heading to the end of a relationship and both of you want to make something of it, then a couple’s session would be ideal for you.

The love is so often there, but you may be at a stage in your life when you don’t see it. Do not go throwing the towel in just because of mis-communication.

And don’t do what a 90-year-old couple at my American colleague’s clinic did – they stuck together for 60 years and promised they wouldn’t divorce because of the children.

Their last child died at 60, whereupon they applied for divorce. It was a bit expensive, considering nature was going to have a hand with one of them very soon anyway.