As you read this are you aware of the voice inside your head, are you listening to that voice? Did you ever wonder who you are if you are able to hear yourself speaking are you the speaker or the listener or in fact neither, maybe you are observing what it is that a part of you is listening to!

It’s that whole thought thing that can cause your head to spin but inside of that concept we have beliefs at our very core. Some of my clients have a belief that they will live to be a hundred and some do not, so what if your beliefs are the main driver for all that you are and do? What impact could your beliefs have upon the outcome?

Take for example

Cient1 Diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis isn’t good.

Who decides upon the “prognosis” or the prediction of the future for Client1

The doctor who is treating the client or the client?

What if the doctor says “I have been in this profession for 20 years and I’m sorry to say that your only have a few months left”

How is Client1 going to feel now? He or she might believe the doctor and then the health and well being of the client can rapidly deteriorate, even though the doctor is doing his/her very best.

Our beliefs form part of a living system. They are not simply black and white, right or wrong and that makes it a very difficult challenge to us all. Who would step forward into today’s political arena and state unequivocally that we are going the wrong way? In 1848 a young Hungarian doctor, called Ignaz Philipp Semmelweis, would be seen to do just that, sadly no one would listen to him and it cost the lives of more than “1 million women” Coffield, (2010). Semmelweis realised that patients were contracting the disease via their doctors and he prescribed that all doctors should wash their hands in chlorine solution before and between patients. How many millions of lives are being lost today because we are failing to except that the 21^st Century client’s needs are not being met because professional etiquette, Political Correctness and health care policy does not address the beliefs of the client/patient

An extract from The Saboteur Within

In 1952 Dr. Albert Mason was using hypnosis to treat a 15-year-old boy’s warts. Many doctors had successfully used hypnosis in the treatment of warts and Mason was very good at it. This time, however, the boy was covered from head to toe and his skin looked like cracked leather.

Dr. Mason was to create a medical sensation with this patient, because one week after his session the boy returned and his arm, which is the part of his body Dr. Mason had suggested to get well, was perfectly healthy and clear. After a few more sessions the boy’s skin totally cleared up and he went on to lead a normal life.

How did it make medical history? Well, the boy was suffering from a lethal genetic disease called congenital ichthyosis and Dr. Mason hadn’t prescribed any drugs. He only used hypnosis to reverse all of the boy’s symptoms. At the time of working with the boy, he was totally unaware that the condition was incurable.

When Dr. Mason wrote about his startling treatment for ichthyosis in the British Medical Journal in 1952, his article created a sensation. Dr. Mason became a magnet for patients suffering from the rare, lethal disease that no one before had ever cured.

Dr. Mason attempted to help other ichthyosis patients, but was never able to replicate the results he had with the young boy. Now that he knew that the disease was incurable, his own belief was weakened, and the patient could unconsciously pick up on Dr. Mason’s doubt.

Mason Quote:

“I had a mother who was very ill when I was a child, and so the need to cure was really linked to my relationship to an ill mother and that’s just what you need to be a hypnotist. You need a kind of furor therapeutica. The congenital case I cured, I’m sure, needed to be cured as much as I needed to cure him and something strange happened. After that case, half a dozen ichthyotics came to see me and I never cured another one. By that time I knew it was incurable, so, there was the difference, that kind of conviction I had that I could cure him was no longer there. So that was really my history and how I became an analyst.”

I always tell therapists and coaches in my trainings that they must believe in the client’s ability to create a miracle. You see; if your coach doubts their ability to help you or your ability to help yourself, either way you are doomed to fail. On the other hand if your coach, therapist, doctor, mum, or dad let go of their ego and have absolute faith in you, then miracles can and do happen.

I had a client who had been through assertiveness training and various management courses to help her to overcome her presenting issue, basically she could be assertive with anyone younger than herself but she would freeze with anyone older!

Yes it sounds weird and that’s probably why they asked me to work with her. She had had coaching and this thing didn’t want to budge. From a coaching perspective this was unconscious interference and it figures then that the client wasn’t trying to self sabotage herself or her career, so all the clues were pointing at The Saboteur Within…

Click here to check out the main article I have published on Ezine.

 The loyal fans are arguing that they will lose 119 years of history and Mr Ashley says it will bring in much needed revenues both points need to be met, evaluated and brought together as one. Who ever is in charge of PR at the club should be fired for missing the greatest re-branding ever to happen to a failing club!!!

Now what evidence do I have to make a statement like that about a club, which I have always supported? Simply this Newcastle United has 119 years of never wining anything and always coming second. “Always the bridesmaid and never the bride” my dad used to say.

We now have a chance for a new beginning, unblemished, undefeated at Sports Direct Stadium. If we draw a line in the sand which side would you want to support? Over a century of losing or a brand new beginning with an undisputed winning ethos?  Think about this long and hard because if you are a true fan, St James’s the ground hasn’t changed but by giving it a new name doesn’t that lift the old gipsy curse.

 Imagine how Chelsea is going to feel on the 3^rd of December when they come to play the undefeated Newcastle United at Sports Direct Arena; the cockneys have an affinity with St James’s they have beaten us there many times but they have never beaten us here at this newly branded ground. Mentally we have the upper hand here and any true football fan should open their minds to this, we are Newcastle United, the undefeated champions od Sports Direct Arena.

 Marks and Spencer were going to the wall and nobody was willing to help founded in 1884 the company was perceived as out of date, in short losers! After they rebranded to M&S their sales grew by 192%. They also became “your M&S” now who would stand by and let their store go to the wall? No-one! M&S emerged over night as Winners and today they still sit at the head of the retail champions league.

This is the message that Mike Ashley should be sending out this weekend to galvanise support for his genius. We are Newcastle and we need to be United in the dawning of a new and exciting era in the clubs history

I might be on my own here today but I genuinely believe that Mike Ashley has helped the club to leave the past and create a compelling future.

Well about 12 months ago I got a viral infection, or man flu as my wife, Sonya Hudson, put it, any way it got so bad that I was dragged into the weekend clinic at our local hospital. I waited only a few minutes and was in to see the doctor, who was a breath of fresh air to me.

I have met many doctors who have had terrible people skills, if you know what I mean please nod! so here was a doctor, who was both knowledgeable and passionate. I remember thinking a few more of these people could turn the NHS around! Any way back to last week and a new client, yes Matt still does the odd one to one sessions, the presenting problem being “blushing”.

As we talked I realised that I had met my client before, I just couldn’t quite figure out where? She had had various attempts at getting rid of her problem through different therapeutic channels, all to no avail. Many of them insisted that she must have had a terrible event happen to her when she was a child? Go figure!

No, this problem actually began when she was at University, away from home, finals coming up, lecturer bent on singling her out from the group, a relationship that didn’t fit her culture so her family suggested that she had brought shame on them, you put that lot together and bam! Something has to give. Mary had done nothing ethically wrong but nevertheless, she believed that she had, so whenever from that point forward, any one ever asked her about her family or who she was, poof! A wonderful shade of red and boy did she feel terrible about it.

So do you have any part of your life that when you think about it now causes you to believe that you are to old, to young, fat ,thin, clever, stupid, etc,. What do you believe about that belief…? You see it’s not about what happens to you that effects you in your life, no, it’s what you believe about it that counts. So what I am saying is if you whine enough about your problems sure enough you will get more, the universe will send you everything you believe you deserve.

Mary believed she was a 2 out of 10 person and that I was a 9 out of 10 therapist so when I told her she was the doctor who inspired me a year ago and I believed her to be a 9 her jaw dropped as she had only done 4 days and I met her on one them for 4 minutes. Her belief in herself changed dramatically. By shifting your beliefs you shift the universe itself.

So do you believe you deserve more?

As you can imagine the conversation took many twists and turns many arguing that it was unethical to stray from the rule book, meaning whatever discipline they were trained in and the ethical framework that supported it.

I suggested this little coaching insight that was aptly supplied by the the Bard of Avon, some years ago;

Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2,

Polonius:
What is the matter, my lord?

Hamlet:
Between who?

Polonius:
I mean, the matter that you read, my lord.

Hamlet:
Slanders, sir; for the satirical rogue says here that old men
have grey beards, that their faces are wrinkled, their eyes purging
thick amber and plum-tree gum, and that they have a plentiful
lack of wit, together with most weak hams; all which, sir, though
I most powerfully and potently believe, yet I hold it not honesty
to have it thus set down, for yourself, sir, shall grow old as I am, if
like a crab you could go backward.

Polonius:
[Aside] Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.

The English expression, “There’s a method in the madness,” derives from this scene between Polonius, the politic, and Hamlet. Polonius believes Hamlet to be mad and yet Hamlet has clearly told Polonius what he thinks of him and his master, Hamlet delivers this information in a quote so the listener doesn’t attach it to the speaker.

Polonius thinks that Hamlet is mad, yet notes that there is still a lot of sense in what he is saying, hence the saying “Method in the madness”. Now depending if you are a process driven person or an options motivated individual, in which case, “madness in the method” might appeal to you more, you can use some craziness to have different outcomes and expectations from your sessions.

Carol came into her session suffering from anxiety attacks and depression, she had been having various counseling and coaching sessions, as well as pills, for three long years; her one session full of madness later, now she has been problem and drug free for a month.

So if you’re a people helper who could do with a dash of madness in your sessions or you’re in sessions and they’re driving you mad, you know where I am, get in touch, you’d be crazy not too…

NLP practitioner training, Coaching and Hypnotherapy…

…it’s about madness!

Imagine if you could visit someone and as you uttered 17 words or less they were able to deliver the statement that would cause your inner mind to simply change, unbelievable? Actually it’s highly plausible if you happen to be sitting in front of a therapist/ Coach who is at the cutting edge, or maybe he or she has just read “The Saboteur Within” and has picked up a few hints and tips for helping you to change effortlessly.

Martin came in a couple of months ago and he had had years of “anxiety attacks” whenever he stayed away from home for an evening. If Martin never went out of the house he would be totally cured but he had to go to work, to pay the bills.

To make matters worse, Martin is very good at his job so his boss offers him freebies to travel around the world, with his wife, all expenses paid. Martin hates it and Martin’s wife Sarah hates it even more because they don’t get to go!

As soon as anything like a holiday was mentioned, Martin would become nauseas, his appetite would diminish and within days he would be ill. I know that there are lots of techniques I could have used but I decided to sit back and help our hero to do his change conversationally.

I won’t drag on basically Martin was having an allergic reaction to anything that was ‘different’! Yes, you heard me, ‘different’.
He was okay at work, until they promoted him and that made him ill, then he got used to it and things settled down again. Overnight stays, weekends away and a wife wanting holidays all had the same effect. Eventually, they managed to get around the holiday problem, they went to Benidorm every year, the same week, same hotel, same, same, same.

The cure was quite straight-forward. Martin saw everything that was a break from his norm as scary and different. I asked him how old he was he said “fifty –five” “so…” I said “…at fifty-five years old is it possible that you could go anywhere on this planet where the people don’t have similar issues to us, bills to pay, relationship troubles, etc” “Probably not” he said “…and is it also possible that once you’ve stayed in one hotel you’ve stayed in them all?” “When you look at it like that…” he beamed a big bright eyed grin “…Everything gets to be the same eventually, doesn’t it!” “That’s right!” I beamed back at him.

With that Martin clapped is hands and said he was sorted, the whole session lasted ten minutes and Martin was last seen going on a golfing holiday, after just returning from two weeks in Orlando, Florida.

Sarah is over the moon to be able to plan holidays with her husband for the first time in thirty years of marriage.
If you are a coach or therapist and you would love to be able to help your clients in 17 words or less contact me soon.
NLP, Coaching and Hypnotherapy…
…It’s about less being more

When I was first introduced to this clever rhyme, I was told that the author was unknown. Now, thanks to the Internet, I am delighted to learn that Walter D Wintle is the man behind the poem that captures, in a few short lines, just exactly how we create our own reality.

Entitled “Thinking” it could have easily been named “the power of limiting beliefs” because that is exactly what it describes.

Thinking
If you think you are beaten, you are; If you think you dare not, you don’t. If you’d like to win, but think you can’t, It’s almost a cinch you won’t. If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost, For out in the world we find Success begins with a fellow’s will; It’s all in the state of mind. If you think you’re outclassed, you are; You’ve got to think high to rise. You’ve got to be sure of yourself before You can ever win a prize. Life’s battles don’t always go To the stronger or faster man; But soon or late the man who wins Is the one who thinks he can.
Walter D. Wintle

So, please, please listen; the key to a healthier, happier and more fulfilling life is in your hands, or more precisely, in your thoughts.

Your reality is what you think, but does that make it really true? Some of you will be giving us lists of reasons and excuses as to why you can’t be slim, you might even believe them, but what if you believed you could and you can be slimmer, fitter and healthier? How transformational are those thoughts, now?

NLP, Coaching and Hypnotherapy…
… It’s all in your mind

In the wild, a dog’s very survival depends on a strong, stable, and organised pack, where every member knows its place and follows the rules established by the pack leader. The pack instinct is perhaps the strongest natural motivator for a dog. Now if you were to substitute the word “person” for the word “dog“ aren’t we really talking about the same thing here? Don’t we all need to belong, doesn’t your very survival depend on your state of mind and how you interact with the people around you?

Cesar Millan teaches that, in order to properly fulfill both our dogs and ourselves, we each need to become our canine’s calm, assertive pack leader. A dog that doesn’t trust it’s human to be a good pack leader becomes unbalanced and often exhibits unwanted or anti-social behaviours. Please feel free to substitute the word “manager, parent, teacher or politician”, I’m sure you can see how that would be appropriate.

Cesar does not “train” dogs in the sense of teaching them commands like “sit,” “stay,” “come,” and “heel” – he rehabilitates unbalanced dogs and helps “re-train” their owners to better understand how to see the world through a dog’s eyes.
Cesar counsels people to calmly, assertively, and consistently give their dogs rules, boundaries, and limitations and establish themselves as solid pack leaders in order to correct and control unwanted behaviour. He doesn’t believe in “quick fixes”, even though changing some behaviours can appear to happen in a relatively short period of time. None of those changes will “stick” unless the human acts consistently with his or her dog every day to keep unwanted behaviours from returning. In Cesar’s opinion, no one should ever hit or yell at a dog to correct inappropriate behaviour.

Now replace the name “Cesar” for “Matt” and you can probably make all of the connections, that you need to. You see, it’s not about hypnotising you it’s about getting you into the right state of mind at the right time and place, so that you can shine and be better at being you. Calm and assertive is the only state of mind that a pack leader should have, so how is yours?

Does your pack respect you? Are your children well balanced or do you make up excuses for them? Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you truly want to say “no!” Be honest with yourself, now, you know that you need to be more assertive. This doesn’t mean angry or aggressive, which is a popular misconception, no ,it means strong, self-confident, self-assured and poised. Doesn’t that feel good right now as you think about it? So, the question is, if you are not assertive and self confident what problems and difficulties is that behaviour creating around you and the rest of your pack, colleagues, family?

Be the leader of your pack…

I figured I would have you think through my opening statement, “Coaching, after the birds have flown!”

Often a client will make an appointment for coaching thinking they know exactly what their presenting problem is. More often than not, once we start to look at the issues that are causing difficulties, we soon discover that the difficulty or stumbling block actually lies elsewhere.

When Mary called me to book a coaching session, she described her problem as “my husband doesn’t understand me” but after some probing it translated into “my youngest child is now sixteen and I feel lonely”.

“Empty Nest Syndrome” is a very common problem,

Wiki describes it as

“a general feeling of loneliness that parents or guardians may feel when one or more of their children leave home; it is more common in women. The marriage of a child can lead to similar feelings, with the role and influence of the parents often becoming less important compared to the new spouse.

A strong maternal or paternal bond between the parent and child can make the condition worse. The role of the parent while the child is still living with them is more hands-on and immediate than is possible when they have moved out, particularly if the distance means that visits are difficult.”

When children move away, mothers can get what is called “Empty Nest Syndrome”, which is generally accepted as the lonely, abandoned feeling of the home being empty. In order to fill the void of the empty house, many people look for something that is living and breathing that will take their mind off of their feelings, like a pet.

Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.

Mary felt lonely and vulnerable but she hadn’t connected it to her children growing up. She had associated it with her husband’s angry outbursts and the frequent arguments they had been having lately.

At this point in time, Mary believed that she couldn’t share her emotions with her soul mate. So, she had come to have her feelings acknowledged by another human being. Throughout the session Mary hinted towards divorce and how it was the only solution, as her emotional needs weren’t being met. She had not considered that her husband John could be suffering too and probably hadn’t made the ‘empty nest’ connection either.

Remember you get what you focus on and Mary was focusing on the 10% of their relationship that wasn’t working instead of focusing on the 90% that was continuing to function well. By allowing Mary to feel heard and having her recognise her loneliness, she was able to gain a new perspective on her relationship with her husband.

Since our session, Mary has reported back that her relationship with John is improving and the rows have stopped. They are now both able to appreciate that the void they were seeking to avoid was not of their making and that together they can work through this period.

Click here if you wish to receive 7 top tips on how to overcome empty nest syndrome.

NLP, Hypnosis and Coaching it’s about …being conscious.